It’s That Time of Year
We are entering the time of year that is chalk full of so many memories being made. I live for making memories through family traditions. Family traditions are one of my favorite things to orchestrate in my own home. It’s so much fun when we get to settle into a moment and see the looks on our children’s faces. We can almost see these moments etching their way into their memories. Their delight and squeals are worth all of the work it takes to pull these moments off.
People rarely talk about the work that goes on behind the scenes. Trust me; it’s there. Just this last weekend we were knee-deep in my very favorite family tradition. We were putting up the Christmas tree. It’s a really big ordeal in all the best ways. I had gone through the labor of getting the details organized, purchased, and set up and then in the middle of the activity itself everything just felt off.
The Tradition Begins
Let me back up to explain briefly what this tradition entails. It’s one that I did with my parents when I was growing up. In the old days, we would all go pick out a real tree. It was a whole process. Two of us always seemed to find a perfect tree pretty quickly. Others of us liked to make multiple laps around the store to be sure we were committing to just the right one.
After choosing our tree, the guys would saw off the bottom and get it secured in the stand while the ladies prepared the food for the evening. We would decorate the tree together while my dad reminisced over the significance of every single ornament with Christmas music playing in the background.
When the tree was complete, we would turn off the living room lights while we ate in the dining room nearby that offered us the best view of our work. We always ate fondue on this night because it was a long process. We could sit around the table without feeling rushed and just talk. It was always so special. I knew even as a child that I would do this in my own family someday.
The Tradition These Days
Now, it looks a bit different in my own family these days. We have three young children and a hand-me-down tree that we may or may not have braced upright with zip ties. Our fondue spread looks more like a charcuterie board with minimal access to either a dessert or cheese fondue for now. Something inside me just doesn’t trust my sweet kids with a bowl full of boiling broth or oil just yet.
We do still have Christmas music playing in the background as we decorate together. I’ve even assumed the tremendous responsibility of making sure the family knows why each ornament is significant. We don’t have an aesthetic tree. Our tree is full of memories. It’s got a variety of decor on it that was grabbed on our honeymoon twelve years ago, our baby’s first Christmas pictures, and a plethora of ornaments from family vacations or anniversaries.
The Tradition This Year
In this particular year, I had to scour my planner to find an open weekend to squeeze in all this magic in between my guys sitting in the deer blind and me working at the hospital every other weekend. I found one. I still had to work around a soccer tournament and church, but it was the most promising weekend of them all. So, I bought the goodies for our dinner, planned a new spin on a dessert fondue, grabbed the kids a couple new ornaments, and worked all week to try to have the house chores caught up.
That weekend got here, and my family acted shocked that our evening was committed to a family activity. They must have forgotten my announcement at the beginning of the week. After reminding them that if they intended to be in the deer blind on the other weekends, this was our only option for the tree tradition they perked up a bit. It was a little gut punch to hear their grumbling, but I tried to ignore it and move forward. I really want everyone to cherish this as much as I do.
When the Tradition Doesn’t Go as Planned
I got the house prepared, the food laid out and helped pull the decor out of storage. Everyone was starving so we ate before we did the tree. It was nice but didn’t feel authentic to the tradition. When we began the tree, more grumbling spewed from the mouths of the kids as they were asked to help us fluff the limbs of the tree. My husband had to pause the process so he could run to the store to find one more box of warm white lights because our hand-me-down tree had a big dark spot.
The box he purchased said all the right words, but the color didn’t match. The kids fell out of the Christmas spirit while he ran his errand and turned on the tv. When I tried to encourage them to help me get the tree ready for his return they responded, “It looks good enough, mom.” I deflated. So, I let them watch tv as I grabbed a couple small cookies from my dessert spread and snuck back to the homeschool room to sit in silence for a minute.
The Whole Point of Traditions
The point here is that these moments take so much work. I know the feeling of staring at a mountain to scale when trying to even decide on making the plans. I know the feeling of being shot down when these plans get proposed to the family you are trying to love. It takes a great deal of mental and emotional energy to pull each detail into place while you’re being told that the very work you are tirelessly pouring into isn’t important at all.
I have a secret I want to whisper to your heart today. Momma, it is so important. It’s not just a tree or a family dinner around the table. It’s not just another rhythm that you dreamt up carelessly. This stuff becomes the heartbeat of your home. You build these things centered on Christ as you are caring for your family as He instructs. Each time you circle back to these traditions they become more familiar, comforting and secure. They begin to feel like hugging your parents or walking into your home after being gone for an extended period of time. Let me tell you how I know this.
An Evening Redeemed
Our Christmas tree night eventually came together. We turned the tree and discovered we put it up with what was the back last year facing the front. There was no longer a dark spot. The limbs got fluffed, the tv turned off and all the ornaments ended up in the same area because the children became engulfed in decorating. I sat back and made sure nothing of significance was broken. Well, only one old ornament that I love broke, but only one is a win compared to most years. They giggled and decorated while my husband and I kept catching each other’s eyes from across the room. We were communicating in silence how much we love this life we’ve built.
Then the sweetest thing happened. The tree was finished. It looked great! My husband began cleaning up the boxes. I started preparing the homemade popcorn for our Christmas movie that would conclude our evening. This is when I heard the kids in the living room. They were playing out another family tradition all on their own. They were hiding the pickle ornament and that weary piece of my heart melted.
Proof That Traditions Matter
Each year I wrap a book for each day of December. Every night starting on December first, I hide the pickle ornament. The kids run out with their wet hair and fresh pjs to see who can find it first. The winner chooses a book to unwrap and reveals our bedtime story for the night. That same child will hide the pickle the next night so there are equal chances for everyone to find it.
I stood there peering around the wall listening to my popcorn pop and watching my kids play as they took turns hiding and finding the pickle ornament on the tree. You see, it does all matter. I’ve been wrapping the same books for eight years and hiding the pickle for the last several even though they felt a bit young to do the process. Here they are doing that thing that feels like home to them around our Christmas tree.
Why It’s Work Worth Doing
I often catch myself watching my kids play together thinking about how those bonds they are forming will likely out-live me. These connections I’m orchestrating and memories I’m etching out time to craft will become the heartbeat of home inside them. It matters that I’m teaching them to pray for each other at the dinner table. It matters that we have some meaningful family rhythms like church every Sunday and Wednesday, how we greet each other first thing in the morning and bid each other sweet dreams at night. The more occasional things matter too. It matters that they fluff the branches and remember where we got the ornaments or that they have a favorite book in the mix of the ones we unwrap each year.
These things will become home in their hearts when they are no longer home. So, plan your version of fondue, pull out the tree, let the weariness of keeping up fall to the side as you plan and pull off a couple small moments for your family. But hold them loosely. The things that don’t matter as much are the dark, unlit spots on your hand-me-down tree. It’s really not a problem to do the tradition out of order and it’s not worth the strain to scold anyone on their attitudes. Just invite them into it and do it from a place of peace. Somehow, the grumbling miraculously subsides, and they realize the magic of the moment you brought them into. Someday, they may even hide a pickle ornament on their own Christmas trees.
Thank you for reading! For making memories through family traditions at the start of the New Year, click here.
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